Understanding Trauma in Relationships

Understanding Trauma in Relationships

Trauma at its core, is the body and mind’s response to an overwhelming experience that exceeds an individual’s capacity to cope. When trust is violated, the brain perceives this as a threat, triggering the amygdala – the brain’s alarm system, to initiate a ‘fight’, ‘flight’ or ‘freeze’ response. Over time, unresolved relationship trauma can result in long-term psychological, emotional and even physical symptoms.

Research highlights the prevalence of relationship trauma. A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that approximately 22% of women and 15% of men in the United states have experienced relational betrayal severe enough to result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms. Such betrayal can take many forms: infidelity, emotional or physical abuse, abandonment or manipulation. For survivors, the violation of trust in a once secure relationship can shatter their worldview, creating a deep sense of loss, confusion and insecurity.

The Long-Term Implications of Relational Trauma

Relational trauma leaves a lasting imprint, often manifesting in ways that affect every area of life. Survivors may experience:

1. Attachment Issues: Trauma can distort an individual’s ability to form secure attachments, leading to patterns of avoidance, hypervigilance or dependency in future relationships.

2. Mental Health Challenges: Depression, anxiety, PTSD and complex PTSD are common outcomes. A 2017 study in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders found that individuals with relationship trauma had significantly higher rates of generalised anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder.

3. Physical Health Consequences: Chronic stress from unresolved trauma can lead to issues like heart disease, autoimmune disorders and chronic pain. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study demonstrated that relationship traumas, particularly in childhood, correlate with higher risks of long-term physical health problems.

4. Self-Esteem and Identity Issues: Survivors may internalise blame or feel unworthy of love and respect, further isolating them and compounding the effects of the trauma.

What Can Therapists and Counsellors Do?

For therapists and counsellors working with clients suffering from relationship trauma, the journey to healing begins with rebuilding a sense of safety and trust. Here are key approaches that professionals can adopt:

1. Trauma-Informed Care

Understanding that trauma affects not just the mind but the body and soul is critical. Therapists must adopt a trauma-informed approach that acknowledges the widespread impact of trauma and actively work to prevent re-traumatisation during the healing process.

2. Empathy and Validation

Many survivors of relational trauma struggle with feelings of shame or guilt, often questioning their own worth. Providing validation, that their feelings are normal, their pain is justified and their reactions are understandable is a cornerstone of effective therapy. As Dr. Judith Herman, a pioneer in trauma recovery, emphasises: “ Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation.”

3. Psychoeducation

Educating clients about the physiological and psychological effects of trauma empowers them. Helping clients understand that their heightened anxiety, flashbacks or emotional numbness are part of a trauma response not a personal failing, can reduce self-blame and pace the way for self-compassion.

4. Rebuilding Trust

Because the violation of trust is central to relational trauma, healing often requires creating opportunities to re-establish trust. This may include teaching clients to set boundaries, recognise red flags in future relationships and practice self-trust.

5. Holistic and Somatic Practices

Traditional talk therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can be combined with body interventions like Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), somatic experiencing, or yoga. These methods help clients release trauma stored in the body, addressing the physical dimension of their pain.

6. Long-Term Support and Group Therapy

Survivors benefit greatly from a sense of community. Group therapy offers a space where individuals can share their experiences, reducing isolation and promoting mutual support. Peer-led support networks have been shown to foster healing by normalising trauma responses and providing a sense of shared resilience.

Hope for the Future

While relational trauma can feel devastating, it is important to remind clients that healing is possible. Survivors often emerge from the recovery process stronger, more self-aware and equipped with the tools to create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Therapists play a vital role in this transformation, acting as guides through the darkness of pain toward a renewed sense of self and connection.

As professionals and individuals, understanding the far-reaching effects of relational trauma and the tools available for healing is critical. By addressing these wounds with compassion, education and evidence-based interventions, we not only support survivors but also contribute to a more empathetic and resilient society.

In the words of poet Maya Angelou, “ I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”.

Healing from relational trauma is not just about survival; it’s about reclaiming the power to thrive.